Park Life: A New Social Hotspot in the Time of Corona
Who'd have thought in the spring of 2020, our local green spaces would become the place to be seen in, quite literally. I don't think going to the supermarket or putting out the bins count.
Pre Covid-19 I would grudgingly drag myself out of the house for my thrice weekly run, there would be the typical delaying tactic of a 30 minute internal debate, "Maybe I'll go after lunch?".
"Absolutely not. You know damn well if you leave it until then, you won't go at all."
"Hmmm, maybe I don't really need a run today, I'll just eat less?"
"Don't be so ridiculous, get your fat ass out there, think how much better you'll feel afterwards."
Such inner turmoil could often result in my cold-shouldering the run completely and spending the day in a state of self flagellation. Not so anymore. In these Corona tainted times I can't get my trainers on fast enough. Not only does it dissipate the effects of my insatiable chocolate addiction and incarceration, it's also become a far more joyous version of online dating.
Rather than sitting exercising only my thumbs with boundless left swipes, a trip to the park is a full body workout - even my eye muscles are actively engaged as they keenly scan the runners-by and my vista is awash with sweaty sporty types enjoying their daily jog, some even have the decency to take their tops off.
It has been a topic of hot debate on my singles' WhatsApp group, messages such as: Girls, get yourselves down to the park. Two 10/10 absolute hunks have just run past, are a regular occurrence, and proof that I am not alone in my thinking.
It is not without its pitfalls however. A few weeks ago, when the sun was shining and it seemed the whole of London had invaded the parks, I happened to pass a shirtless Adonis, he was going at quite a pace, otherwise I might have attempted to trip him up. Maybe the sunshine had temporarily blinded him, but I was pretty confident that as he ran by, he gave me a long, lingering stare.
It certainly put a spring in my step and gave me the boost of energy I needed to make my way home. I informed the girls immediately: Just had MAJOR eye contact with a hot jogger. To which they responded with the usual messages of encouragement. Tactics were discussed; maybe I would have to run into him next time - accidentally on purpose. Or, I could pretend to trip over and hope that he came to my rescue?
A few days later, I was on a bike ride with my son, and who did I see charging towards me, top off and looking just as godly as I remembered? Yes, you guessed it. But, wait. What's this I see coming up behind him? No, it can't be, can it? A woman on rollerblades who is certainly not obeying the two metre social distancing rule. Surely not, rollerblades are so 90s and how can he have a girlfriend when he'd so blatantly given me the eye of gladness merely days before?
And, just like that, my hopes were dashed. Without so much as a sideways glance he ran straight past me with his rollerblading floozy in tow (I'm sure she's very nice, I'm just jealous).
This brings me neatly back to my 'Single' T-shirt idea, if men and women sported these on their park outings it would save us all a lot of bother, not to mention embarrassment. I think I'm onto something.